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Friday, January 13, 2006
5:38 PM

*sighs, sighs SIGHS*

He left this morning... perhaps that was why I seem gloomy today? Told myself not to cry... it's not as if I'm losing someone or someone died... cry for what? But I still shed a few tears... i dun think anyone noticed it bah... =) He's like a mentor to me... a big brother I never have... I tell him stuff I never told anyone.. not my family, not friends... probably cuz he's older... more mature... I seem to unknowingly run to him when I need someone to talk to... He helped me a LOT.. especially out 3 hour talk last night.. (kana scolded by my mom... lol.. talk to 2am.. =.=) I've finally seen the BIG picture... i'm holding on too tight to my friends.. and not holding tight enough relationship wise. That's why I'm letting someone go... by shifting myself today... and I went to see Jun Jie... even though I resisted.

I'm glad I did these... I feel SSOOO much more relaxed and happy... Ray suggested that I go see Jun Jie, but not reveal myself.. that why I wont mislead him, but I wont hurt him either. Cuz if Jun Jie asks me tonight why I didnt go look for him, I can tell him I DID see him... and was happy he was doing fine... =) Thanx so much, Ray ^_^ And I finally unhooked myself from someone... how that works out... we'll see...

This afternoon, after sch in mrt, talked to Janice about some stuff... Hmm... it seems that everyone seems misunderstood the relationship between me and Ray... lol! I say so many times le... he's like my big brother, my mentor... and we kid around a lot.. like siblings do. n_n And I found out a lot more about our personalitites from Janice...

Hearing Ray's voice give me a sense that everything will be alright... I just need to stay calm and look at things more carefully. Being hysterical wont help, being emotional wont help... think hard... then do what you think is right. He recomfirmed that I made the right decision by not giving in to temptation and to give myself more time before I sink myself into a relationship. And I helped him.. he's finally gonna pluck up the courage to tell the girl that he likes her!!! That was sssooo cool! I actually gave someone COURAGE! hehe... I said to him, tell her how u feel, give her time to think, just like Jun Jie gave me. If she doesnt like you, you can get out of your misery and move on. If she does... WELL DONE! If she asks for time, it make just work out like me and Jun Jie.. perfectly fine =) Start from being friends, then good friends, and maybe things will turn out good and move a step further.

Ray, hope you have a safe flight. Thanx for fufilling my birthday wish, for being a brother to me, for helping me, and please visit soon...

Believe in yourself, and know that you always have me,
-Amber-